ffaaaaa-unk.

I've been in a funk.

not just any funk, but a faaaaa-unk. 

(an even deeper funk)

I'm not really sure why, or how, or really even when it all started. But I do know that it stopped me from working out, going out with my friends, and just being me. 

Then I saw this picture of me. I remembered this day, and laughing and screaming as my friends and I took pictures together. I really miss those days. When I could be carefree, my crazy self, and just love on my friends with no second thought. 

Why do I let all these things just bog me down until I can't even breathe? 

Why do I let other people's thoughts of me ruin my own thoughts? 

Why do I let them rule my happiness?

I still cannot even answer that. 

But then I saw this today when I was out with my little siblings. 

I love the US Army. And how true that statement really is in my life. Look at this amazing journey I am on, these amazing things I get to do, and the people I will meet. This is all in my future, and not theirs. If you want to lie to me, use me, be fake, then do it. In 5 years when I'm off making all my dreams come true, you tell me how being alone feels. I'd rather be lonely in a world all of my own, making all my dreams come true, then in a world where I bring people down and don't go anywhere in life. 

All in all, if you're going to be a part of my life, be there. If not, please don't waste anymore time. 

I can't afford to lose anymore time in these funks, when those people don't lose anytime over putting me there. 

Next Chapter. 

Go. 

a little behind

Before I begin, can we just all take a second to admire this cupcake? No? That's to bad. Scratch Cupcakes donated 500 cupcakes to our company on Saturday. I might have been a little overly excited to see those boxes come in the door.           Ya'll can shut up. I was really hungry. Like, beyond hungry.

So overall, Drill was actually a blast this month. Yeah, you heard me right, I said it was a blast. 

In the morning we did our PT test, once again, which is the 2 minutes of push-ups, sit-ups, and a two mile run. I'm sorry, but I do not understand how people can run for miles and miles and just be happy. Two miles and I'm just like NOPE. See-ya. I hate it. It should not even be allowed to be a thing. I am sure that practice makes it easier but still...

     After all that was over, and I was dry heaving a lung, we had MREs out in the field. I cannot eat right after I run, so I had crackers and skittles. Plus it was super hot out, and I was afraid if we had to run again I would throw up! 

    We got to do Land Navigation for the rest of the morning and through the afternoon. We started by getting coordinates and finding it on the map, then we got to go find our points out in the field with our squads. The last few drills I have made some really good friends, and it was a blast getting to know some more people. My squad was all boys too, so I mean that was a real treat. 

After all the sweat, laughter, and sunburns we went inside to eat dinner with our parents. The only real great part of that was that I got real food... and I had to do 10 push ups in front of my dad while telling him how much I loved him. It was a blaaasssttt-terrible.. really really terrible. 

Also, sorry for the delay in this one, I've been a little busy! I am missing this months drill to go to Calliiiffforrnniiaaa. NOICE. 

Melting

This weekend is probably going to be my favorite drill ever.

HAHAHAHA. no.

Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that it is only going to be one day, but it's also hotter than the sun outside. Running 2 miles in that is going to easily be the highlight of my life, especially when I die after. 

We are doing our PT Test, again... so that's really cool, eating lunch, doing land nav, then our friends and family get to come eat dinner with us and watch some sort of Guard video, THEN WE GET TO LEAVE, PRAISE JESUS. 

I'm going to slow motion run to my shower like there is nothing like it in the world. 

Judge me accordingly.

So that's my weekend for you, I'm sure I will have plenty of stories for you after.

survival of the sickest.

Is anyone willing to give me a round of applause for surviving this weekend?

Want to hear about it?

Cool. 

The first four hours of drill consisted of the PT test. Which, in case you didn't know, consists of two minutes of push-ups, sit-ups, and a two mile run. No, stop being so loud... I know it sounds exciting. 

I blew through my sit-ups and push-ups, and struggled a little through my run.

Not scurrred to admit it. 

The really cool part of the day was when we got to do our urban ops shooting. We went out to a little "town" in the middle of Camp Dodge. It is actually pretty neat. You would honestly think people lived there, besides the obvious fact that the windows are boarded up. We split up into two groups and learned how to "stack up" next to doors, break them down, and storm/clear buildings.

Now just imagine one more person in the middle there, and that's identical to what we were practicing. 

Now, the last person was the one who had to clear the door for trip wires and then kick through it before the team stormed in. Guess who got to do that sweet job? OH YEAH. *dances* Honestly, I was a little nervous to be the only girl on a four man squad, and have to bust through this huge door. I killed it. Not even an exaggeration. De-stroy-ed it. I also found the "bad guy" aka our Sgt. hiding behind the door and shot him before he could kill my team. It was such a cool experience. Soliders are so brave, they think of the mission before their safety. We got to practice this for a couple hours before we had to load up, and thankfully I was only shot once in the back of the head... by a man on my own team! The funny part is, they had to do push ups and write a letter home to my parents explaining why I died in combat. 

For PT at night we marched up to the top of Camp Dodge where there is a huge hill, and ran up it. Actually, we ran more in a square formation with the Sergents at each point pushing us on. I was about half way to the third Sgt. when I started feeling sick and light headed. My eyes were covered in dark spots and when I reached to top, I collapsed. I fainted. I fainted! Jeepers. I'm sure that with having two ear infections, bronchitis, and a sinus infection, I was asking for it. 

Sunday, we had to get up early and go out to Big Creek Park! My platoon headed out to the northern side of the lake and began picking up trash until 12:30! It was actually a lot of fun, besides the blisters. We got to go in and out of the woods, down to the shore, through the water, and up hills. You would not imagine the cool things we found. I got to really get to know my platoon in those hours, and I will never forget it. 

Now what I would love to forget is how we got smoked after chow in the afternoon. I've never been so miserable. Yankee push-ups, flutter kicks, and mountain climbers... for like 20 minutes. Sweat. Sweaty. Sweat. Gross. 

Going home was a blessing. I got to go straight to my amazing church and get loved on for two hours. 

I can't forget my favorite part of this weekend. Meeting my beautiful lil' girly Elliana. I can't wait to love on her and her brother. If their parents are reading this, I love you!

round two.

ding, ding, ding!

round two!

so now, as I sit in the solitude of my second sick day, I am realizing just how much of a struggle this weekend is going to be. 

See, I am suffering from sinus overload. My nose, my ears, my throat are all struggling to survive. My doctor has sentenced me to two days of bed rest. What? Like, is that even a thing? Tomorrow I have important things to take care of, and I babysit on Friday. 

Guess what's on Saturday!?

DRILL.

YES.

Two mile run, anyone? Can we all just take a second to imagine trying to run two miles when you can't breathe through your nose, and hack up a lung every five seconds? 

NOT TO MENTION the fact that you have to get a certain time to pass.

woop. de. doo. 

can't wait.

I'm sure all of you are looking forward to hearing my complaints, sobs, and rambling next week.  

i'm going to go ahead and go take a nap, pretend it's next monday. 

homework

I  am an American Solider.

I am a warrior and a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade. 

I am disciplined, physically, and mentally tough. Trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.

I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I AM AN AMERICAN SOLDIER.

-----------------------

General Order 1: I will guard everything within the limits of my post and quit my post only when properly relieved.

General Order 2: I will obey my special orders and perform all my duties in a military manner.

General Order 3: I will report any violations, emergencies, and anything not covered in my instructions to the commander of relief.

this is my homework for the month, memorizing all this. 

I finally admit that I have it all memorized!

   Hooah!

cha-channg

so guess what,

people who do not read my blog...

I got my first Army paycheck yesterday.

HOLLA.

okay, okay, okay.

I know it is not a huge deal for all y'all. 

BUT IT IS FOR ME.

okay I will stop now.

One Sec.

Can we all just take a second and appreciate the cuteness of this picture? 

I love this little man, his baby brother, and his little sissy. 

I just cannot get over this. 

so cute.

and if you don't think so, you suck.

no, no, no... i'm just kidding.

wait...

no. i'm not.

Hooah.

Seeing as I am typing this out right now, I survived my very first drill! Hooah! 

it was beyond scary.

Your first day at RSP Drill you are in "Red Phase". So you are in a classroom 65% of the day on Saturday. You report at 0830 and are in class till 1400. Chow isn't bad around the place, we had MREs for lunch on Saturday. With a MRE, it is literally a 2,000 calorie meal in a small 11x6 box. The strangest part is how it is actually good... I mean, will you find me just munching on one for kicks one day? No. But it was not as bad as some of the other meals. 

That night we did PT at the training center along with Agility Ball. 

SPOILER ALERT: AGILITY BALL IS THE DEVILS GAME.

PT wasn't too bad, it's strange... I'm not used to it. But it's somewhat like doing yoga but with more stretching. My whole company does it at the same time, like 100 young soldiers, just doing yoga.

LET'S GET TO AGILITY BALL. It's dodgeball, with the Army. The Sergeants spilt us up, like 50 on each team, and just let the horror begin. Here is the funny part, when you get hit, and by hit I mean demolished... you have to lay on the floor till two people on your team carry you off the court. 

Sleeping in the barracks weren't bad either, actually quite decent! That morning we got up, cleaned up, and had to run back to the Freedom Center. My platoon got in trouble, so we had to run in place for 30 minutes RIGHT before chow. Kill me. 

then we got to go to church.. *deep breath* honestly, that is probably what got my spirits back up!

The rest of the day we just had class on how to read maps. It was pretty cool. I was a little confused at first but the Sgt. explained it better to me, and now I get it. Watch out, just going to be scouting the wilderness. Errrrday. Our platoon had to do 50 push ups during class too. 

AWESOME.

I got to go home around 3 that day, which was an amazing feeling. I went straight to pick up my Hanny and to get food. Because I was a starving beast. We went to my beloved Church too, which had me soaring. A lot of people thanked me for my service, which is an amazing feeling. It almost renders you completely speechless...

Going out with friends afterwards made me feel even better. It just solidifies my heart in what I'm doing. It's scary, I will admit that. But i can do it. I will find my way, if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. I will go almost anywhere, to find where I belong.

-------------------------------------------

It means a lot to me to have everyone being so supportive of me. At first I was afraid nobody would be as supportive when I'm in my uniform, or ignore me, or think I am different now. Luckily, God blessed me with the most amazing support group, and I'm so happy! thank you for everything to everyone!

Go.

so this is me.

right here.

the girl in the pictures,

right over there.

and if you look very, very, very

closely you will see that there is a head on my shoulders. Inside that head, is a brain, that surprisingly enough belongs to me.

Would you look at that? 

The girl even has a few friends to throw in the mix! 

if you look very, very, very 

closely here you will see that these pictures contain

  moments. These moments, surprisingly enough belong to me. 

These moments make up something even more important to me, my life.

I'm sorry. If you don't agree with how I am living my life, then that is to stinkin' bad. These decisions I am making, the moments that I am living, are none of your concern. 

-I do drugs, I dropped out of school, I have a couple kids, I don't have a job, I sit at home all day, I drink, I don't go to Church, I don't speak to my family, and I curse every other word that comes from my mouth.

OH WAIT. NO.

-I'm a 19 year-old girl. I just joined the Army, I worked my butt off all through school, I have 2 different jobs, I work for all the money I spend, I've never drank, I've never smoked, I have a great family, I have an amazing people in my life that call me their own, and I have strong faith.

What in the world do you see wrong with that picture?

If you're mad at me for joining the Army, then good for you. I made these decisions because I wanted to do so. Unfortunately I didn't take into consideration any one else's opinion because it was up to me. This is my life that I'm living, so butt out. If you're mad at me for not spending every waking second with you before I leave? I've been alive for 19 years people. Just because I'm leaving for 8 months doesn't mean I will never be back. It is normal for young adults to leave home and move forward with their life! I cannot do so if I am constantly being torn back because of other people's selfish ways. If you cannot be supportive and happy for me, then do us both a favor and keep your mouth shut. 

If this seems harsh or out of line, then you are probably one of the people supporting me. But to those who think it is their business to tell me every decision I make is wrong, I've had enough. 

You've lived your life, let me live mine. 

if you want to call me and talk about my life, lets chat. if you want to ask me questions, lets go. if you want to voice some concerns, be smart. if you want to constantly dig on my choices, go away.

Honest?

HONESTLY, I am freaking out about my first drill this weekend.

I might wet my drawers, or uniform, whatever.

I report at 0830 on Saturday and stay until 0900 Sunday. 

waaahhhhhhhhhhh waaahhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhh

it's really scary, like what am I supposed to do. 

what if I do it wrong?

what if I punch a cocky boy in the face?

oh...

Little Things.

So here I am, being Emilie... and I find that these new experiences in my life are turning me into a new person, with a whole new view on life and all the little things. 

Example A: being a role model to my little siblings, everyday. 

Now I know this isn't always possible, especially for me. When you're dealing with such little youngsters, it's beyond difficult to be the person you know you should be all the time. The attitude, the lack of listening, the fighting, the screaming, the fits. Sometimes it is about enough to drive me insane, and sometimes I just do not want to deal with it. Then, when I see them acting like me, or mimicking something that I do quite often I cannot help but smile. It literally makes my whole entire day. Since joining the Army I see how much my behavior and attitude really does affect them. 

                  -------------------
The best part is one of the little men loves to play Army with me. We run around shooting bad guys, or begin snipers, or even marching... he just loves it! The oldest brother likes to play that too, but his is a little more intense. When they have their Army hats on running around, it really makes me appreciate soldiers and what they do for their families. You may not notice it right away, but kids look up to soldiers like nobody else. I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to be a hero to some little squirt looking up to me with big eyes.

Today this little and I played Army for a solid hour and a half. It was easily the highlight of my week. Let us not forget that for the first time in months it was above 50 degrees, and we could actually run around outside and scam and holler without driving Mama Bear nuts. Just the way he calls me soldier, marches around, or even pretends to shoot aliens makes me smile.  I guess what I am babbling about here is just how much this is changing my perspective on how I present myself. Can you tell that I love them?

it is complicated.

a question that I have been getting frequently is this:

"Why the Army? Why now? What made you decide to do this?"

and it honestly renders me speechless every single time. 

I don't know how to explain why I decided to take this massive step. I know that it is 100% right for me, but I do not know how to express it. 

But the question still remains.

So here is my scattered way of explaining all of it, and I hope that it all makes sense. 

1). I was tired of people around me complaining about every little thing that happens in the world around them. If you are so upset and out of sorts, why don't you fight to make a difference, or to change it? Do something that is going to be the change you want to see in the world. I guess one reason is that I want to learn about issues and be the change that no one else stands for. 

2). I know that after working hard and going to school I might be able to make a difference in a handful of people's lives. Think of the amount of people I will be able to touch and help in the Army. If you don't understand this point alone, then I'm sorry for you. I wish you understood the  joy that comes from helping people in need, whether that is a large need or a small one. Unfortunately, there is a limit to what you can do in Des Moines, Iowa. 

3). If you know me at all, or even just a little... maybe a smudge... you know how passionate I am about solving problems. I love to piece things together to make a bigger pictures and solve a huge problem. Hence, an Intelligence Analyst. It is honestly the dream job for me. I love to watch NCIS, and McGee's job is so interesting...I cannot believe that is going to be me. 

4). Being a hero.

5). Being a part of something that not a lot of people have the guts to do. Being part of the United States Army. Being a part of something so much bigger than myself. 

I guess that is a handful of things that pops into my head.

I really am still my normal goofy self...

just with a cooler job. 

fondness

nothing new has developed in my army life recently, although I did get some new garb that had me quite excited! 

I got my very own Army backpack. It's huge. And super cool. Inside, even more treasures! 
I got some National Guard pencils, a binder for school, a couple clips, two t-shirts, and a lanyard. How cool am I? I am actually pretty fond of my new shirts. They make me feel rather intimidating..

yeah don't answer that.

I guess all of this new stuff just gets me more excited for the future. My first drill weekend will be beyond scary, but at least I have a pretty spiffy new backpack to lug all my stuff in. 

thirty-five fox

For all of you who have been asking and asking what my job title for the Army is, here you go. It's off of the National Guard website, so if you have any more concerns visit there.

 www.nationalguard.com

Again, my title is a 35F Intelligence Analyst. If you hear me say 35 Fox, this is exactly what I'm referring to! 

I hope this helps get a little understanding of what I'm doing. Any more questions? Just ask.

"Having the correct information about enemy forces and potential battle areas is absolutely necessary to plan for our national defense. Intelligence Analysts work with other intelligence specialists to gather and study aerial photographs, electronic monitoring and human observation. Intelligence Analysts are primarily responsible for analysis, processing and distribution of strategic and battlefield-related intelligence needed by Army personnel to design defense plans and tactics."

so all in all, I am basically going to be McGee from NCIS, aka my favorite show, aka my life, aka fate. :)

Starting Line

Can we all just take a moment to breathe please?

sigh.

thanks.

As you know, I have spent the last week trying to get into the Army National Guard. 

I went in, passed all my tests, and the system to enlist people literally crashed. What? Naturally that would happen to me right? I worked my butt of to get to that point, and my congratulatory moment was sitting in a federal building for 5 days. Yippee. 

Let me rewind a couple days to explain all that went on in those days. 

DAY ONE: The first day I went to MEPS (Military Enlistment Processing Station) was absolutely terrifying. They are not mean at all, they do this all the time.. so their humor is dry and they don't put up with any sort of nonsense. I walked through the doors at exactly 6:10AM and began my looooong day. After being processed I got to go to a testing room to take my ASVAB and DLAB test. The DLAB is the hardest Military test you can take, and they constantly remind you of that. In order to be in the intelligence field I needed at least an 85. SPOILER ALERT: I did pretty good on my DLAB and passed it. :) I finished up my day at around 12:45, knowing I had to come back that next Tuesday for my physical. 

DAY TWO: The physical. Need I say more? I got to MEPS again at 6:10AM, but instead of going into testing, I got to go straight to Medical. Let me just tell you how fun that is. (warning: dripping with sarcasm) It only takes about two hours, but is hands down the most uncomfortable two hours of you life. In most cases after you pass Medical, which I did, you would go to your liaison and go over your contract, swear in, receive your uniform and go home. BUT I was informed that the system that they use to get soldiers training seats was down. I sat around and enjoyed Criminal Minds until 4:00 when I got to go home. 

DAY THREE-FOUR: I really don't have a lot to say for these days. I came to MEPS at 9:00AM and sat around watching TV and eating cold sandwiches till 4. Being a huge waste of space. The one good thing was the kindness from the workers. I had such a great time getting to know them. We all loved cursing the computer system that was STILL down.

DAY FIVE: WOOOOO! I'm sorry but that is all I have for today. I got through the rest of my processing, signed my contract, and got sworn in as a 35F Intelligence Analyst for the Army National Guard. I even got my uniform today. Exciting is not even enough to explain how I feel. I'm so thankful for all the MEPS workers, my amazing recruiter, and the couple people who helped me trudge through the hard days to get here.