ffaaaaa-unk.

I've been in a funk.

not just any funk, but a faaaaa-unk. 

(an even deeper funk)

I'm not really sure why, or how, or really even when it all started. But I do know that it stopped me from working out, going out with my friends, and just being me. 

Then I saw this picture of me. I remembered this day, and laughing and screaming as my friends and I took pictures together. I really miss those days. When I could be carefree, my crazy self, and just love on my friends with no second thought. 

Why do I let all these things just bog me down until I can't even breathe? 

Why do I let other people's thoughts of me ruin my own thoughts? 

Why do I let them rule my happiness?

I still cannot even answer that. 

But then I saw this today when I was out with my little siblings. 

I love the US Army. And how true that statement really is in my life. Look at this amazing journey I am on, these amazing things I get to do, and the people I will meet. This is all in my future, and not theirs. If you want to lie to me, use me, be fake, then do it. In 5 years when I'm off making all my dreams come true, you tell me how being alone feels. I'd rather be lonely in a world all of my own, making all my dreams come true, then in a world where I bring people down and don't go anywhere in life. 

All in all, if you're going to be a part of my life, be there. If not, please don't waste anymore time. 

I can't afford to lose anymore time in these funks, when those people don't lose anytime over putting me there. 

Next Chapter. 

Go. 

a little behind

Before I begin, can we just all take a second to admire this cupcake? No? That's to bad. Scratch Cupcakes donated 500 cupcakes to our company on Saturday. I might have been a little overly excited to see those boxes come in the door.           Ya'll can shut up. I was really hungry. Like, beyond hungry.

So overall, Drill was actually a blast this month. Yeah, you heard me right, I said it was a blast. 

In the morning we did our PT test, once again, which is the 2 minutes of push-ups, sit-ups, and a two mile run. I'm sorry, but I do not understand how people can run for miles and miles and just be happy. Two miles and I'm just like NOPE. See-ya. I hate it. It should not even be allowed to be a thing. I am sure that practice makes it easier but still...

     After all that was over, and I was dry heaving a lung, we had MREs out in the field. I cannot eat right after I run, so I had crackers and skittles. Plus it was super hot out, and I was afraid if we had to run again I would throw up! 

    We got to do Land Navigation for the rest of the morning and through the afternoon. We started by getting coordinates and finding it on the map, then we got to go find our points out in the field with our squads. The last few drills I have made some really good friends, and it was a blast getting to know some more people. My squad was all boys too, so I mean that was a real treat. 

After all the sweat, laughter, and sunburns we went inside to eat dinner with our parents. The only real great part of that was that I got real food... and I had to do 10 push ups in front of my dad while telling him how much I loved him. It was a blaaasssttt-terrible.. really really terrible. 

Also, sorry for the delay in this one, I've been a little busy! I am missing this months drill to go to Calliiiffforrnniiaaa. NOICE. 

Melting

This weekend is probably going to be my favorite drill ever.

HAHAHAHA. no.

Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that it is only going to be one day, but it's also hotter than the sun outside. Running 2 miles in that is going to easily be the highlight of my life, especially when I die after. 

We are doing our PT Test, again... so that's really cool, eating lunch, doing land nav, then our friends and family get to come eat dinner with us and watch some sort of Guard video, THEN WE GET TO LEAVE, PRAISE JESUS. 

I'm going to slow motion run to my shower like there is nothing like it in the world. 

Judge me accordingly.

So that's my weekend for you, I'm sure I will have plenty of stories for you after.

survival of the sickest.

Is anyone willing to give me a round of applause for surviving this weekend?

Want to hear about it?

Cool. 

The first four hours of drill consisted of the PT test. Which, in case you didn't know, consists of two minutes of push-ups, sit-ups, and a two mile run. No, stop being so loud... I know it sounds exciting. 

I blew through my sit-ups and push-ups, and struggled a little through my run.

Not scurrred to admit it. 

The really cool part of the day was when we got to do our urban ops shooting. We went out to a little "town" in the middle of Camp Dodge. It is actually pretty neat. You would honestly think people lived there, besides the obvious fact that the windows are boarded up. We split up into two groups and learned how to "stack up" next to doors, break them down, and storm/clear buildings.

Now just imagine one more person in the middle there, and that's identical to what we were practicing. 

Now, the last person was the one who had to clear the door for trip wires and then kick through it before the team stormed in. Guess who got to do that sweet job? OH YEAH. *dances* Honestly, I was a little nervous to be the only girl on a four man squad, and have to bust through this huge door. I killed it. Not even an exaggeration. De-stroy-ed it. I also found the "bad guy" aka our Sgt. hiding behind the door and shot him before he could kill my team. It was such a cool experience. Soliders are so brave, they think of the mission before their safety. We got to practice this for a couple hours before we had to load up, and thankfully I was only shot once in the back of the head... by a man on my own team! The funny part is, they had to do push ups and write a letter home to my parents explaining why I died in combat. 

For PT at night we marched up to the top of Camp Dodge where there is a huge hill, and ran up it. Actually, we ran more in a square formation with the Sergents at each point pushing us on. I was about half way to the third Sgt. when I started feeling sick and light headed. My eyes were covered in dark spots and when I reached to top, I collapsed. I fainted. I fainted! Jeepers. I'm sure that with having two ear infections, bronchitis, and a sinus infection, I was asking for it. 

Sunday, we had to get up early and go out to Big Creek Park! My platoon headed out to the northern side of the lake and began picking up trash until 12:30! It was actually a lot of fun, besides the blisters. We got to go in and out of the woods, down to the shore, through the water, and up hills. You would not imagine the cool things we found. I got to really get to know my platoon in those hours, and I will never forget it. 

Now what I would love to forget is how we got smoked after chow in the afternoon. I've never been so miserable. Yankee push-ups, flutter kicks, and mountain climbers... for like 20 minutes. Sweat. Sweaty. Sweat. Gross. 

Going home was a blessing. I got to go straight to my amazing church and get loved on for two hours. 

I can't forget my favorite part of this weekend. Meeting my beautiful lil' girly Elliana. I can't wait to love on her and her brother. If their parents are reading this, I love you!

round two.

ding, ding, ding!

round two!

so now, as I sit in the solitude of my second sick day, I am realizing just how much of a struggle this weekend is going to be. 

See, I am suffering from sinus overload. My nose, my ears, my throat are all struggling to survive. My doctor has sentenced me to two days of bed rest. What? Like, is that even a thing? Tomorrow I have important things to take care of, and I babysit on Friday. 

Guess what's on Saturday!?

DRILL.

YES.

Two mile run, anyone? Can we all just take a second to imagine trying to run two miles when you can't breathe through your nose, and hack up a lung every five seconds? 

NOT TO MENTION the fact that you have to get a certain time to pass.

woop. de. doo. 

can't wait.

I'm sure all of you are looking forward to hearing my complaints, sobs, and rambling next week.  

i'm going to go ahead and go take a nap, pretend it's next monday. 

homework

I  am an American Solider.

I am a warrior and a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade. 

I am disciplined, physically, and mentally tough. Trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.

I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I AM AN AMERICAN SOLDIER.

-----------------------

General Order 1: I will guard everything within the limits of my post and quit my post only when properly relieved.

General Order 2: I will obey my special orders and perform all my duties in a military manner.

General Order 3: I will report any violations, emergencies, and anything not covered in my instructions to the commander of relief.

this is my homework for the month, memorizing all this. 

I finally admit that I have it all memorized!

   Hooah!

cha-channg

so guess what,

people who do not read my blog...

I got my first Army paycheck yesterday.

HOLLA.

okay, okay, okay.

I know it is not a huge deal for all y'all. 

BUT IT IS FOR ME.

okay I will stop now.